A travel epiphany
TLDR version~
I've been lusting after travel ever since I can remember, pouring over faraway pastel coloured maps in huge vintage National Geographic books, dreaming of these unknown cultural treasures while sprawled out on little me's bedroom floor.
In my late teens, to my Mum's horror I ran away to the NT to find the giant waterlilies in Kakadu and later travel by Pelni (cargo ferries) to climb volcanos, trek through thick jungle, run from Komodo dragons and swim on pink beaches in remote Nusa Tenggara, Indonesia. Later, in my 20's during a backpacking trip to Europe while wandering along a warm ochre Sevillian street I found a phone box (hey it was the 90s)and impulsively rang my boss back home to resign. I had decided if I had to go home that I would become a travel agent instead. Just like that.
This new career only fuelled my insatiable desire for travel. It's true, we've enjoyed decades of exotic adventures that were beautiful, exciting and even somehow felt deserved, a well earned family respite from the assault of my heavy work life. But if I'm honest it never quite matched expectations and kept me yearning for more, feeling never enough, leaving my pockets and often my soul depleted and forced me back into the grind again and again. It wasn't until a short beach break back to where I used to holiday as a child with my Grandma, I felt was able to just BE.
And Breathe.
And it changed everything.
As a case manager exposed to vicarious trauma and with a long history of working to burnout, I know too well the importance of taking a break. But I had never wanted to waste that precious time off to rest!? So we would save hard and skip across the pond, often to Bali or other beautiful places that had all the connotations of relaxation instead. I mean, who doesn't love massages, yoga on tap and coconut juice by the beach. Until one day I ended up in a full blown panic attack enroute to Uluwatu for the last couple of nights of beachfront 'bliss'. I'd been gazing out the window at the decorative bamboo poles swaying in the breeze(penjor for Kuningan celebration)when I suddenly remembered the overwhelming workload I was heading back to. This trip was supposed to be chill, but the thought of continuing this way was like a dark shadow. That heavy feeling stayed with me the whole trip, and well after we returned. Something was broken here.
Fast forward a few months.
The trip to Yorke Peninsula to catch up with my Dad who lives in Adelaide was just a last minute plan. It took us a mere 17 hours to drive as veterans of this outback highway. In contrast to flying and traffic, it was fun and relaxing. The second we were out of phone range, all we could do was listen to the same music loop we had remembered to download and sing along, float hands out the windows against the breeze, count the stripes on the road, read or take turns having naps.
The Bach in Port Broughton, was a cute, crooked old beach shack, but it was comfy and perfect. It was warm but too windy to swim, so we walked along the rockpools, explored the local area, out on the jetty looking at sea creatures, cooked local seafood together, read books (when did I do this last??) and went to bed blissfully early. The next few days were a blur of much the same, and then we ventured to Marion Bay and explored the gorgeous Dhilba Guuranda-Innes National Park for a few blissful days of azure beaches, dolphin spotting, with emu families and kangaroos visiting our home at 'The Bus Stop' ~a gorgeous renovated off grid bus home on a bush block.
No agenda, no real plans, and lots of rest. Soulful.
Always a rebel, I have been scaring my parents with shoestring backpacking trips in far flung places & dabbling with van life since my 20's but there always seemed to be a barrier to escaping full time, debt, study, then young kids, mortgage, work etc. etc. These simple few days in the bus parked in the scrub felt so perfect and we spent hours day dreaming of our own and searching campers for sale. It all got very expensive very quickly so we left it feeling a bit disappointed.
The seed was planted though, I wanted to travel soulfully in the beauty of our back yard & beyond, in a way that suited my lifestyle and nourished my neurospicy nervous system.
Incidentally we had also booked a long awaited trip to Italy for later in the year, but the Instagram feeds I had been adoring suddenly had me in a full blown panic, the revenge travel crowds, the people, the crush. As a neurospicy woman this is my worst nightmare (well, second after spiders. I was devastated, I cried. I tried to still want it but those visions made me feel physically sick. Hadn't I planned this for years? Instead of exploring beautiful sites I pictured myself in a full blown panic attack in the middle of the street. So one afternoon while my partner was resting I quickly cancelled the whole trip before I second guessed myself and redesigned a softer, slower and quieter version, an 'alternate Amalfi' itinerary instead.
Instead of sad to miss many of the so called 'highlights', I was relieved...and now with the refund of these expensive tourist trap hotels & tours we now had the money for our Oz set up.
Not ready to give up on van life we started looking at some vintage caravans instead. We both love old cars & we quickly found the cutest retro van in a tiny town on the way home. We recklessly dared each other to buy it but the owner was away so it was not possible. Phew.
Making our way back on the long drive home to Alice, I was feeling surprisingly rested and grateful. Weird, after such a short trip I thought. Such a stark contrast to a few months ago. Home and work quickly got back into the usual grind and our plans felt a bit whimsical now. The thought of freedom over security frankly was a bit frightening all of a sudden.
*Screech* my brain hit the skids.
WTF, now you finally can follow your dreams but you won't?? Why?
I wrestled with the answer.
During my yin yoga practice one morning I couldn't ignore the pangs in my heart. The caravan (a cute 1976 Millard Pop top we had already named 'Morrison') was still for sale. So we arranged to go back down and pick it up. I pretended to haggle but we were already sold.
Instead of being scared, now I was excited for the possibilities.
We have loved camping simply with family and friends in remote areas across Australia for years, but now wanted something more cosy when we explored & Morrison was the perfect compromise.
We scoured Instagram and binge watched YouTube for planning inspiration but despite being very beautiful these left me feeling the FOMO I had felt before. The travel budget would be huge and while the bravado of selling up to hit the road was enticing, we had other family, life and work commitments. Our 'kids' now young adults are still finding their way in this weird world and its been hard to focus on joy since my beautiful Mum passed suddenly, leaving a big hole in our lives, especially for my Dad.
It seemed impossible to consider, selfish even. Maybe it was a bad idea. But this sudden loss was also a stark reminder that now is all we really have and I should be living my best life every single day.
I wondered how many other people were caught in the trap, like us. Stuck in the grind culture, not embracing self care, thinking travel and slow living has to be all or nothing and expensive to be life changing and worthwhile. Even after escaping the corporate crush to build a service I am passionate about, I had somehow just swapped my payroll provider *now me* & was working myself to exhaustion, caught up in the people pleasing hustle instead of valuing my precious time.
I started manifesting a slower, more intentional life, prioritising freedom & travel and realised that I had the power to change the narrative and walk away from the grind at any time, letting go of goals that weren't even mine. Instead of scary, it felt wildly rebellious and powerful.
While timing and money will never be perfect, we are now building a life where we are free to wander and explore magical destinations when we choose, in smaller but still incredible taste bites, supporting local communities and filling our cups along the way. I curated a travel 'formula' that gives us so much more flexibility and is much friendlier to my spicy brain and nervous system, as well as our wallets. And it has been a total game changer.
This tiny trip back to my childhood holidays really has changed everything for me.
In a world where we are dominated by the hustle culture and ugly patriarchy, that is especially soul destroying for my neurospicy friends, I hope you will be inspired to change the dominant narrative and embrace soft rebellious travel too.
Kelly x